For the last few years I have worked in the field of therapeutic healing, however, for many many years I have been helped by the same field I now work in. A mentor of mine told me, before I began The Song Workshop, he said, “Tyler, we teach what we most need to learn.”
This morning, as I sat with my clients, we talked about the idea of forgiving, primarily of forgiving yourself. When I asked them why they needed to forgive themselves, they all said a version of this statement:
I hurt people. I let them down. I tried to be what other people wanted me to be and I just couldn’t do it. I feel like it’s my fault, like I’m not good enough. I know what my life should look like and it doesn’t look that way. Why can’t I just get it together?
To which I replied,
Oh, so you are human?
They all began to chuckle. In an effort to remain vulnerable, which I believe is the key to all healing, I shared with them my own experience.
“Last week I went to see my therapist. I told him I was stuck. There was an area in my life that I could not get a handle on no matter how hard I tried. Fear was crushing me. As our conversation continued, I said, ‘I work in the therapy field. I have so much information, maybe too much. I know better. I’ve asked myself all the questions I ask my clients. I’ve journaled. I’ve prayed. I’ve meditated. I’ve done it all. This should not be happening. I should be able to move beyond this.'”
My clients were all nodding by now. One woman said, “….that’s how I feel. My parents were alcoholics. I should know better. I was never gonna be like them.” Across the board the group agreed….
I SHOULD BE DIFFERENT.
As we dug a little deeper into our stories I began to ask them the questions I needed to ask myself: who said you should be different? Who said where you are is not okay? The answer was, as I had suspected. “Me. I’m not living up to who I think I should be.” The further we went the more we realized all of us were in a “should” storm, having bought into the story that there was and is something wrong with us.
The Song Workshop, as the name might suggest, takes all of the information we gather in these sessions and crafts it into a song. My hope is that all of my clients will “sing” themselves back home, back to their truth, and into their freedom. Here’s a snippet of the lyric from our “should” storm session:
WHAT IF, I AM ENOUGH
WHAT IF, I’M NOT TO BLAME
& THE STORY I’VE BEEN BELIEVING NEEDS TO CHANGE
WHAT IF, THE SHOULDS AND SHOULDN’T
WHAT IF, THEY ALL ARE LIES
THEN WHY DO I KEEP TRYING
TO BE SOMETHING I’M NOT……….
Most of us have bought into the cunning lie that we are less than we ought to be, there is more we could be doing, and something somewhere is fundamentally wrong with us. THAT IS NOT TRUE. Get out of the “should” storm. Get out of the shame spiral. We are humans. We are having a spiritual experience. Life is not black and white, good and bad, right and wrong. It is messy and beautiful. All of creation is perfectly imperfect and that’s what makes it shine.
Our culture will not support this way of thinking, that we are okay as we are. Our family of origin most likely will not support it either. Judgements will fly in our direction until the day we die. However, NONE OF IT MATTERS! It’s probably why Jesus said, “I did not come to judge the world, but to save it.” (The Bible. John 12:47)
Today, break up with story that you should be different. Embrace who you are, God’s masterpiece.
Sending you love wherever you are in the world today, Tyler