Lately I’ve been in many circles where God has been the topic of discussion.  Much like Mr. Einstein, the groups have been mixed with a myriad of beliefs and backgrounds.  I have discovered, that though we crave to know more about this power called God, we are also angry and terrified, curious and doubtful, leaving us in a position where it seems easiest to ask few questions, virtually shying away from the subject all together.
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Of course the touchiness of the subject makes me all the more curious about pursuing it further.  Possibly because I’ve recently become slightly addicted to a show about journalism, where the principle theme is: “ask the hard questions.”    Or maybe it’s because of my favorite Sufi poet, Hafiz, who writes:

UNTIL

I think we are frightened every

Moment of our lives

Until we

Know

Him.

And so, I am on a quest to know Him.  I want to break up with fear.  It’s a dreadful relationship.  I know, because I have been very very frightened in one way or another by one thing or another for a long time.  Fear has made many decisions on my behalf.  I would like to live the remainder of my life, ‘knowing Him’.  I want to live from that place of peace, not a place dictated by the dominating thoughts of fear.    The illusion of control, coupled with the idea that self sufficiency and will power will suffice, has proven worthless in my quest.   No life run on self will ever did turn out well.  Regardless of what any of us has been able to accomplish, I firmly believe those who have truly relied on Self have never been fully fulfilled, have never completely rested.   I want to fully rest.  To breath.

What I find to be most interesting are people’s immediate and initial responses to the concept of God.  After several round table discussion, here are just a few of the statements that I have heard concerning the matter:

 

i was molested as a child, where was God?  how can I trust God now if he let that happen to me then?  – Sally

i prayed to quit drinking, God didn’t help me quit, why? – Carla

i don’t believe in God, i think it’s for the weak.  -Paul

my God is female.  i call her goddess. – Bob

i was forced to go to church, so when i was old enough i quit going, now i’m going again to explore the idea. – Jamie

i have always been a foxhole Christian, only calling on God when I was in a bad spot.

– Rita

i have always prayed like God was Santa Clause, but he hasn’t given me what I ask for.

– Richard

for a while God was simply, Good Orderly Direction.  that was the best i could do. – Claire

i have been told i’m a sinner and i have demons inside. – Ashley

i grew up in Catholic school.  the nuns didn’t seem very loving to me, but they told me God was love.  I didn’t like that kind of love. -Brian

The list goes on add infinitum.  There are so many different experiences from men and women, with completely different backgrounds, and yet all of their histories seem to dictate their current idea of God.   After several days of reflection, the question, ‘Who is God?’, seems best met with another question:

HOW MUCH OF MY PAST EXPERIENCE, DICTATES MY PRESENT BELIEF ABOUT THE IDEA OF GOD?

With that I leave you and ask that you write to me, tell me, anonymously if you wish, what is your answer?

–sending you love wherever you are in the world.