I found myself in a familiar spot, letting fear and confusion, and fear of the confusion creep in. Thoughts were pounding my head like dark waves tossing a ship in the midst of a storm. My heart began to race. That sinking feeling of impending doom, hovered.
At random, I remembered a friend suggesting I order some bracelets, so I clicked over to the website. Before I noticed the jewelry, I noticed the jewelers slogan, “be still and know that I am God”. Hot tears fell down my cheeks. He had seen the fear. Right there, Angels were rushing in. I was not alone, though only a moment before I had felt completely isolated in panic.
A few moments later, it happened again. I clicked over to another friends site. She’d posted a picture of a necklace. It looked very cool, so I zoomed in to get a better look at the words inscribed on it. “All is well with my soul.” There it was again, another message. God was speaking to me so clearly, so gently, so lovingly. Addressing my fear before I’d even brought it to Him.
Pausing to reflect on the idea of struggle, life, loss, and survival of the fittest, I thought, maybe we have it backwards. I believe if all I intend to do is “survive”, then I’m probably gonna need to be fairly fit. I’ll have to build emotional walls to keep people out, to avoid risk. I’ll have to live in an extremely controlled environment, full of anxiety and fear. Although on the outside I might look normal, inside I’ll be fighting everything and everyone, just to “survive”.
However, I believe there is another option. I could let go of “survival”. Knowing this life is temporary anyway, I could embrace the idea of surrender. It may actually be the only idea that works for me. After all, I’ve tried survival and it’s miserable.
Surrender is a risk. It means I open my hands and say, “Ok God, Thy will not mine, be done.” It means believing that His will isn’t some insane cruel punishment, but that His “banner over me is Love.” To surrender I must become vulnerable and in so doing I become able to connect with that giant beautiful power, bigger and far more abundant than me. My God, my Savior, the true Love that in the breath I become willing He moves me, from survival to surrender to life “beyond what I could think or ask”.
May He who is able, come to you now!
— Tyler Hayes
— sending you love wherever you are in the world.