The Twelve Messages of Christmas
When I find myself in the middle of the crazy, I have to laugh, because the truth is, I bought the ticket to the show. It used to make me furious when my mentor would say, “well it sounds to me that ‘you made choices based on self which later placed you in a position to be hurt'”. Really? So the freak show is my fault? No, of course not. However, I did sign up, wether in desperation or curiosity or the expectation that my needs would be met.
You see almost all of our choices are about what will benefit us, what will make us feel better or different or special or hopeful. Even the seemingly good choices we make are most of the time, about us. And, THAT’S OKAY. It’s normal. But, when it’s not right-sized, it’s dangerous. By “right sized” I mean, when I’m making choices from the WOUND, instead of from the WHOLENESS.
“Either God is everything or He is nothing, which is it to be,” a wise man once said. Either I believe there is a benevolent abundance holding my best and highest life, guiding me to my constant good, or I don’t. When I believe, I choose from my wholeness. When I don’t believe, I choose from my wound.
The wound thinks thoughts like this: if I don’t do it, it won’t get done. Take what you can. There’s not enough. This is as good as it gets. Everybody leaves. I always end up doing everything, If I don’t figure this out, I’ll be alone forever. The wound is that very broken little voice inside that is terrified of not getting her needs met. Rightly so. There was a time when the rug was pulled out, when the parents weren’t parents, when it did fall apart. But, those times can’t decide for these times and when they do, “I make decisions based on self which later place me in a position to be hurt.” Or, “I buy a ticket to the freak show (thinking this time it will be different) and then get mad at the freaks.
Listen, the crazy will always be crazy. The starring cast of the freak show will always be freaks. My choice is about how much I do or don’t participate. Do I believe God’s got me? Can I rest in that and not jump ahead to try to figure it all out because truthfully I’m afraid it won’t get figured out?
This holiday, you don’t have to buy the ticket to a show you don’t want to go to. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to cry over what hasn’t been healed yet. It’s ok to admit doubt. It’s ok to be scared, but it doesn’t mean God has abandoned you. It doesn’t mean you have to figure it out. When the ticket guy calls, with his enticing pitch, you can just say, “no thanks, I’m not buying that ticket.
Sending you love wherever you are in the world. Tyler