I’ve started this blog over more times than I’ve started my love life over.  Where in the world do I start?   I’m single, divorced, and was told yesterday, by a woman my mother’s age, “Tyler, if I were you…. I’d just go get me a baby.  They have that stuff everywhere these days.  Sperm, they have it everywhere.  You can just go get it and have you a baby.”

So, with that, I warn you, I’m not about to give one ounce of advice, because I have none to give.  However, what I can share with you is my experience, which in the end will be the better thing anyway.

If I’ve learned something in my 37 years, it’s this:  Love, lust, and relationships are three entirely different things and we get all three of them confused nearly all of the time.  Love is a choice.  It is an action, a verb, a commitment, a daily decision to show up.  Love exist in us and beyond us.  When it comes from us, it is God pouring Himself through us.  Love is never ever selfish.  It doesn’t know how to be.  Love doesn’t seek some one to love it, but rather, it seeks someone to pour itself upon.  It needs no confirmation, affirmation, or adoration.  Love is not in pursuit of itself, but in pursuit of the ‘other’.

Lust and it’s counter parts, romance, butterflies, excitement, delight, and happiness are the feelings we so often mistake for love, but they are clearly not.  I’ve had both.  I know the difference.   Lust is wonderful.  It’s like a magical roller coaster ride.  Everyone wants a turn.  Lust wants more and is infatuated with itself.  We need it, like a match to spark a flame.  However, lust isn’t sustainable, although it is never boring.  The dangerous trickery of lust, is it dresses up in love’s clothing, but it isn’t actually love.

Then there are relationships!  That’s where we combine love & lust with life.  It’s like a collision of stars.  We bring our stories, our belief systems.  We make up stories about what we think they think about us. Day in and day out we attempt to do this thing called life, side by side.  It can get very messy.  No one is perfect & everyone has made up a story about what perfect should look like, so we jumble up love & lust hoping to come out with perfect, only to find we are completely disgruntled by the imperfections of reality.

However, in the midst of the love, the lust, the lonely, and the reality of it all, there lies the heart.  She is a quiet passionate beating wild star-gazer, that longs for home.  The heart was never made for isolation, but for connection, companionship.  We were made for each other and so what do we do when we find ourselves, alone?

I can’t say I’ve figured it out, but I can tell you what I do.  I hold on to my best girlfriends, tightly.  I pray.  I cry.  I laugh, a lot.  I work, hold babies, help others, write songs, connect with the pulse of life in every way I can.  When I lie my head down on my pillow at night and still crave that the empty spot beside me be filled, I hope!

Most of all, I keep going.  Because in the middle of the messiness, there is beauty.  Life is right now, so I don’t wait for it.  I live it, cherishing the moments when I receive the unbridled suggestions to, “go get me a baby”.

—-Tyler Hayes

sending you love wherever you are in the world