Most of the participants in The Song Workshop come in with the certainty that there is something wrong with them. The anxiety that seems to accompanies that idea is enormous, often all encompassing and devastating to daily life. They, we (yes I can put myself in this group), have done so much just to touch the edges of what feels “normal”, to break free from the prison of anxiety and pain. So why then are we still trapped? What keeps us stuck, returning over and over to this place within us that binds our wings, our dreams, our smile, our laughter…this place that will literally shut us down faster than lightening strikes.
After spending the last year as the music director at Onsite / Milestones, I have seen in myself and my clients two pieces that keep us trapped, belief & attachment. I’ve learned from some of the best therapist and doctors around why we believe what we believe. There is loads of research that tells us what the brain is doing and why it’s doing it, and yet, how do we change our life?
The messages we received early on in life, for better or worse, have created this belief system we carry around. The attachment to those beliefs makes us who we are, and no matter how much we think we want to change, we have a very hard time letting go of who we are. We need our identity, even on the days we don’t want it.
And yet, having all this information does not change us.
Yesterday, while driving & crying, a peace dropped into my spirit and whispered, ‘this part takes God’. I can’t explain what happened in that moment, except for I knew very deeply in my soul, that in the words of Sheryl Crow, “you gotta talk to the one who made you, talk to the one who understands”.
And so, I prayed. And I opened my hands. And I felt my heart beating in my chest, hard. And I began to uncurl my fingers….
I’m not there yet, but I am there. In my world, you might here someone say, ‘you’re at step seven’. That’s the step that says, “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.” Basically it means, I’ve got to resign from being the bus driver, the director, producer, the CONTROL FREAK. I have to, if I want to be truly free, raise my white flag, and let God do what God does. This step goes on to say that we ‘cannot live to much useful purpose, or , in adversity, be able to summon the faith that can meet any emergency,’ if we keep trying to do it ourselves.
So, to answer the question, no, there is nothing wrong with you or me. We are simply in need of a healing we can not create for ourselves. We need God. After all, if trauma is stuck in the limbic brain, go to the one who made the limbic brain! As, Albert Einstein said,
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”
Sending you love wherever you are in the world and hoping you raise your white flag today.