I have committed to being a truth teller. My husband says this is fine as long as I stick to telling my truth and not his or the rest of the family’s, my brother, strongly agrees. I reckon not all laundry needs airing. Some of it is just meant for the machine.
For me, which not only is the one I need to keep the focus on, but also the only one I can change, I have discovered:
LIFE IS AN INSIDE JOB
There is nothing and no one on the outside that will make anything on the inside better or different. The inside is a choice. My choice, which can be painfully frightening, because it means I am responsible. Sometimes it feels like I’ve lived an entire day, as a full-fledged grown up, just by spending thirty minutes going inward and realizing my job is me.
You see, I spent a great many years with ideas like this: “no one will help me”, “why aren’t I married?”, “I need……(fill it in)”, “well, because I come from a broken home….”, “if he weren’t an alcoholic then I wouldn’t feel so crazy all the time.”, “I can’t help it.” “I’m alone & it’s just to hard to do by myself…”. It went on and on. Until, I woke up! Then the tide began to turn, into things like this:
“no one will help me”—of course people will help you, if you ask, but it’s not their job to save you or read your mind.
“why aren’t I married?”— because you don’t want to be. “WHAT?????? Then why do you think I do all this dating?” You date men who are unavailable or won’t commit. Men that really really like you and will commit, you find something wrong with them.
“I need…” — You actually need very little. There may be somethings you want.
“I’m from a broken home…” —That sucks. But it doesn’t mean you are broken or that you have to live like you are.
“If he weren’t an alcoholic…..” — STOP RIGHT THERE. My dear, he IS an alcoholic. Why don’t you read Byron Katie’s book, Loving What Is
And yes, I paid for this kind of conversation. Therapy. And more therapy. Every time my mentor brought me back to the truth, the outside doesn’t change the inside, the inside changes the outside. Day by day bit by bit I began to unpack this running script that kept me blaming, not responsible, and without the power of CHOICE.
So I went INSIDE, let go of the OUTSIDE, and yeah…. I fell down, we all do. I got back up, forgave myself, and kept right on trucking. (Or luxury SUVing, which I strongly prefer) All those things we think, if we would simply stop and question, we would find may not be as true as we think they are.
We can’t convince people to believe us, we have to believe us. We can’t get an addict to quit, we have to quit the addict. We can’t change the story we started out with, but we can sure as heck change the ending. It will be scary because it’s gonna mean you are gonna have to hang out with you. If you are like me, that started out being a bit rough. But, go on, give it a shot.
I found something when I went inside. We will save that for the next blog, but let me tell you, it changed my life in ways I could never have imagined.
—-sending you love wherever you are in the world.