You are stronger than you think. The thing you think will be too much, isn’t. None of it has killed you, even when it felt like it would. It didn’t. You’re here. You’re reading this, that means, the darkness did not win! I know it’s tried. Trust me, I know it has. There are lots of us out there who have felt the dark wings beat. They are terrifying, accompanied by voices of shame, fear, and doubt. However, the more we try to not feel it, the more we fuel it.
DON’T FUEL IT. FEEL IT.
So, here you are. Here I am. Here we are, on our journeys, writing our stories, keeping our secrets, telling our secrets, hiding, laughing, crying, coming out of hiding, being scared and brave all at once. It’s ok, all of it is ok. Most of the time I actually believe that, which is a big improvement, coming from where I’ve been. All of our stuff, our good, bad, beautiful and ugly, is pretty much like the seasons. Winter doesn’t look at summer and say, I won. And fall doesn’t look at spring and say, I’m first. They just come and go. The fear beating in your chest and swirling in your stomach, it will pass. I promise.
There are days when what we really need to hear is, you are ok and you will be okay. That’s the truth. The secret to resting in that truth is not resisting the discomfort, when it comes, and remembering to relish the joy, when it comes. If it’s a great day, notice it, have gratitude, bask in the sun of it all. If its a hard day, cloudy and broken inside, see it, feel it.
I have come to realize, be it my culture, my humanness, my selfishness, or all of the above, I do not enjoy pain, at all, ever. The message we get is: if it feels bad, get rid of it. Now. The more you try to get rid of pain the stronger it gets. Pain is fueled by resistance. So when it comes, stop. Breathe. Literally. Sit. Let it be felt. When it is through, get up and do what is next. If it comes again, do the same thing again. In the moments between, let yourself feel joy. Both things can be true, you know. You can feel enormous pain and still find laughter floating through the air. The world has not gone entirely dark,ever.
I woke up fluttering with nervous energy. By the afternoon, a sleepy sweet peace had settled down. Neither of them define me. I am just living and little by little remembering what I must have known at some point along the journey….. God is God all by himself. He does not need my help. Feelings are not facts. And the greatest gift I give my children, my husband, my family, my friends, my clients, and this world, the greatest gift I give, is to LIVE MY LIFE as authentically as I possibly can.
God is with us. (Even if you don’t believe.)
Sending you love wherever you are in the world today, Tyler