Today, I am irritated. I don’t want anyone to ask me a question or look at my computer over my shoulder or walk past me, as I sit in my ‘frustrated’ chair. It’s rare that I’m pissy, but looks like today is rare, cause I’m fit to be tied! However, I have learned, when my emotions churn like this, there is always a reason, and surprisingly, it has nothing to do with the people in front of me. No one truly has that much power over me, but what’s being triggered inside of me has lots and lots of power. And, that’s what I have to get down to.
I’m unsettled. I want answers that aren’t available right now. There’s work I need to get done, but I can’t figure out where to start, so I don’t start at all. Everybody everywhere is on my nerves. So what now?
I’m not saying I have the answer, but I will offer you the answer that I have. Under all my irritation, when I got honest, was sadness over my powerlessness to change situations in my life that I want to change. I have a vision and my life, as it is, doesn’t reflect that vision. The question then becomes, how do I deal with it? I can either change the vision for my life or I can accept my powerlessness over the people places, and things I want to change. If I choose the latter, I have to embrace a level of acceptance. Since I am unwilling to give up my vision, it looks like it’s time to get down to dealing with it.
First things first. I’m disappointed and I’m gonna have to feel that feeling through to its end. The more I resist it, push to get out of it, or scream at the world because of it, the better the chance that the feeling of disappointment will root itself deeper within me. Feeling it to its end means, giving myself the needed space to let it out. Journaling. Calling a friend. Sleeping a bit longer. Taking a nap.
However, that’s just the beginning. The next step, obvious though it may be, I still struggle to take. I have to ‘change what I can’. When a wave of disappointment hits, I feel it, but then I ask myself, ‘what can I change?’. If I change one thing, just one thing, I’m on my way to healing.
Slowly I begin to take my power back, from all the places where I gave it away. Every time I put my happiness in the hands of another, I render myself powerless, when I really don’t have to be. Whatever the situation is, I ask myself,’ did I give my power away, and when will I take it back?’
Feeling my feelings and changing what I can is the beginning of the process. I’m on the way…….
— Tyler Hayes
sending you love wherever you are in the world