I have found, in my clients, as well as in myself, a deep desire for beginnings and endings, for knowing, for certainty, and for clarity. More often than not I hear, “I just want closure…,” also known as:
I want to know I don’t have to feel those feelings again.
I want to officially give up hoping that situation will change.
I want full and total permission to start over.
I want to put that completely behind me.
I want to know that there are no more pages in this chapter.
You are not alone. Everyone wants that. Starts and stops make sense to us. Red lights, green lights, defining lines, titles, sun rise, sun set, seasons, and hands on a clock give us, not only direction, but comfort. Those boundaries let us know where we stand and where the “other” stands. We want to know “for sure” about whatever it is we want to know.
I recall the day I sat down with my mentor. After a 20 minute monologue about my broken heart, I finally said, “I just want CLOSURE”, to which she replied, “yeah, there’s no such thing.”
W O N D E R F U L.
As it turns out, we must give up on two things if we wish to live in peace, closure is one of them, the other is “why?”. There are questions that have no answer, nor will they ever, at least not this side of heaven. Striving for an answer that doesn’t exist is like trying to run from TN to CA on a treadmill, even if you log all the miles, you’ve gone nowhere. Like wise, trying to assure that something, anything, is over, is akin to believing you could take one breath and never need to breath again for the rest of your life.
We are movement, motion, perpetual energies, continually stirring. We are rivers and streams, that become vapors, that get drawn up by clouds, that turn into rain, and pour down again into rivers and streams.
Beginnings are simply the moment we noticed something as being there, which was already there long before we noticed it. Endings are simply the moment we decided to stop acknowledging something was there. Both are nothing more than indications of our consciousness.
To be at peace, we must quit trying to make a beginning or an ending out of anything, but rather to look at the moment we are in and be right there, present with all that is right there, knowing that we are made in the image of the Infinite, not the finite. Instead of cutting off pieces of ourselves, we can allow those pieces to grow into the fullness of something more.
When I was a child we would go to the gas station after school to get a coke. With the cup full of ice we’d get a little bit out of each drink at the fountain. Coke, diet coke, sprite, orange drink, dr. pepper, and on and on until a bit of each was in our giant gulp. I’m quite sure it was a foreshadowing for what a great life looks like. It isn’t one thing or the other. It’s lots of things, all mixed up into this syrupy sweet delicious drink, we sip while we walk down the street. Our pain turns into joy, our tears turn into laughter, our memories become our story, our story doesn’t ever stop writing. We are an on going beautiful perpetual creation. Be as you are, imperfectly perfect, full, rich, and endless.